In my last post I already mentioned I got bullied. And although this is not directly related to my journey, it did impact it. Therefore I want to take a moment and share my thoughts/believes about bullying.
“Bullying is not about you, the bullies are just insecure about themselves.”
“It has nothing to do with you, they just need a victim.”
And so on and so forth. I firmly disagree with the statement that bullies pick a target at random and that a victim of bullying themselves has nothing to do with it. I’m not saying the victim of bullying is to blame for being bullied. I’m saying there’s a reason he/she is/was bullied.
“Oh you’re gonna put up the fat kid argument? Well not all fat kids get bullied.”
Oh I’m not. I just don’t believe that bullying happens at random. Why? Because bullies always found me. Different people, different situations, and I was always the victim. It’s not because I did anything wrong, there was just something about me that made me a victim, or an easy target perhaps. It wasn’t any one thing either. I got bullied with my last name, my weight, my lips, it was different things.
You can’t convince me that it didn’t have anything to do with me. Call it my aura, or something. I even believe personality could be a reason. And this is probably why bullying stays forever. I’m an adult now, but adults are bullies too. Though unlike high school, these bullies are more subtle, hidden behind phrases like “it was just a joke”. The joke is always on me though.
I believe that if these jokes were made without me getting bullied for years and years, I wouldn’t care much. However to me, “harmless” mocking is equal to bullying the moment it’s similar to the experience I’ve had with bullying. And it is easily so.
Now don’t get me wrong, I was mostly just bullied with words. And words don’t hurt, right? Wrong! Words hurt me more and longer than any fight. They affected my self-esteem. Made me feel pretty shitty about myself. Made me feel worthless. Because, one word doesn’t hurt, but many degrading words over years of time from different people, do hurt! If everyone is saying you’re this, or that, well then it must be true, right?
I’ve learned to deal with it and by now I’m having a better self-image. How did I do it?
I kept repeating that all those bullies were just jealous. I was a nerd? Well they were just jealous I dared being different. Girls were just jealous I dared wearing different clothes. And so on and so forth. I kept repeating this to myself. Putting the problem with the bullies.
The second thing I did was working on my self-image. Because of course I had things that could be improved. I honestly disliked certain aspects of myself. By working to improve those, I started feeling better about myself.
These were just my own thoughts and experiences with bullying! They could be wrong, inaccurate, or different for you!
Bullying has a large impact on someone’s life. I know for sure it had an impact on mine. The important thing to realize is that it doesn’t have to control your life.
Have you been bullied in the past? What are your strategies for dealing with bullying?
Are you a bully? What are your reasons for picking on someone?
Share your story in the comments below.