“Hey, I saw your other blog. Isn’t your passion writing?” – random stranger
If only people would ask me questions. So I’m just asking one myself, it means another blog post after all.
Let me start by defining passion, so we’re all on the same page.
Passion (from the Ancient Greek verb πάσχω (paskho) meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something. (source: Wikipedia)
I don’t know if it’s because I suppress my feelings by default, or just because I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet, but I hardly ever feel passion. Above all, it doesn’t last. For me it’s a fleeting feeling I may have one moment, and which is gone the next. This is also one of the problems I’m facing on my journey. I’ll get into that in a later post.
So what’s the deal with writing? I like writing, I could say I love writing, but I’m not passionate about it. I can go days, weeks, maybe longer not feeling like writing at all. I’ve heard from plenty of other writers things like “if I don’t write I feel -insert negative emotion-“, or “I have to write every day to feel happy.” Not so much for me. Writing can feel like a drag, like a chore, even when I’m in full control of what I’m writing, where I’m writing, how long I’m writing.
Maybe it’s that I love procrastinating on almost everything. Maybe I’m not disciplined enough, not motivated enough. Mostly what I get is that I simply “don’t feel like doing it”. It’s feeling.
My life is a bit like this, I get enthusiastic about anything, do the effort for nothing and my enthusiasm is gone within a week of sparking. This means I never push through, maybe because I didn’t want to climb that hill, or because everything outside my comfort zone is scary. And many will say, it’s because it’s not what you truly want. If it’s something you truly want, you will go grab it.
I don’t believe it’s true. I think we humans are lazy and go the easy way. Whichever gives us a reward, some payoff as Dr. Phil would say, we keep doing that. Doesn’t matter if it’s a good habit or a bad habit. That’s why it’s so hard to change your life. If we figure out what we get from something, what our brain likes, we can look for alternatives.
Writing for me is a hobby. It’s not something I could do every day. It’s not something I could make a living out of. At least, as far as my view goes.
Why? Because I don’t want to write anything besides fiction and then I want to write my fiction, my stories. So unless I manage to write a book that would sell like crazy…
Can I make writing my passion? Perhaps. It just doesn’t seem like something I would like to pursue on a more serious basis.
Do you have something you wish you were more passionate about? What are ways you keep your enthusiasm/motivation going? Or do you struggle with that as well?