I should take off the “new post every Sunday” and replace it with Monday I guess.
I’ve started setting up a website for my organizing idea and giving it form. There’s just not yet anything constructive coming out of me.
Yesterday I spend most of my time on household chores and reading “Blink” by Malcom Gladwell. I had started reading Blink a long time ago. Still I just picked it up where I left off. It’s about making snap judgement and how our unconscious is smarter than we think. How from 30 min of conversation between a married couple you can predict with about 95% accuracy if the marriage will last or not.
It’s pretty cool stuff. It did have me thinking about the way we make decisions. The way I make decisions. I can ponder and ponder over something, while being unable to decide. Maybe, just maybe, I should let my unconscious speak more, trust my gut.
I should let my feelings go and follow them. There’s just an inner control freak holding me back.
This control freak dictates the smile on my face, the words I use, or don’t use, the actions I take. It makes sure that the impression other people have of me is this cheerful girl who’s ready to take on the world.
“You are always cheerful, aren’t you?” is a question I get often.
This comes with a price. That control freak has gained so much power that my emotions don’t get a fighting chance. It numbs them down. In protest my emotions grow stronger.
It’s at a point where I sometimes get really emotional over nothing, or I don’t get emotional when I’m suppose to. The metaphor with a bucket of water overflowing works well. I deal with my inner stress by crying, which is usually started by something silly and insignificant.
Over time I’ve received countless advice on how to deal with my emotions. So far this has been ineffective advice, especially in the long run.
Blink had me thinking. What if, instead of dealing with my emotions, I learn to trust my gut and make snap judgements. Maybe then my control freak will learn that it’s okay to let me feel my emotions. That I’m strong enough to handle them. That it’s better to keep them small, instead of letting that bucket overflow.
Do you numb down your emotions? Keep up a fake smile? Or otherwise trick yourself emotionally/internally? Or do you listen to your gut? And deal with your emotions right away?