Pushing through

Last time I was talking about my Spark, the energy I felt.

Reading it back it sounds like I was about to change my life around.

So what has happened since that moment? Absolutely nothing.

The next morning I felt just the same as before the spark happened. There was nothing left of that energy, that inspiration and motivation. I tried to think about all the ideas I had, but the spark didn’t come back.

What happened?
It’s not that I quit, or that it wasn’t a good idea. Realism and rational thinking caught up to me.
Fear of failure, and the nagging thought that it’s not a workable idea. The thought I can’t pull it off.

I told myself that I could just start small and work from there. No dreams of overnight success.

Still the answer to the most important question isn’t there “HOW?”

How am I going to help organize lives?
How am I going to make a template. (of what should I make a template, for what purpose)?
How am I going to grow this, should I make a website already, a blog, a twitter, a Facebook?

How am I going to make this work?

My immediate thought is, “I’m not” and I’ve given up before starting.
My idea was too vague to motivate me for longer than a spark. The once so successful campfire has gone out.

My next step is the next exercise from the book I mentioned earlier: “I could do anything, if only I knew what it was”. This means I should seriously pursue this idea for at least an hour.
An hour of complete dedication, there are no other options.
That doesn’t help me, I don’t know what my first step would be.

The simplest thing to do is make a template for something that I know.

This is where my focus will be the coming time. I can’t say it’ll be done next week. Maybe not even next month. I will work on it, and I will persist and it will get done. Then and only then can I say if this is going to work or not.

Advertisements

 

Psychology

Whoops, I’m a day late. Of course I should’ve written this right after doing the research. I was busy, I’ll get back to that later. Sunday was just a crappy day. My state of mind was bad, so the day was bad.

Putting that all aside, here’s my conclusions.

Education

So far what I could find is going back to full-time school on a university level, or doing an online course. I didn’t look into this too much though.

Career

This is kind of why I didn’t look into education much. I got stumped. I couldn’t find a career path that honestly interested me. There’s research psychology, but from what I could gather even that wouldn’t really be just doing research.

I’m quite discouraged with my findings. I checked several websites, they all pretty much said the same.

Psychology will probably just stay some hobby I sometimes spend time on.

I think I’m held back by fear a lot.
Fear of failure.
Specifically fear that my new job won’t make me happy.
And fear for my financial situation.

It’s not like I can just switch jobs. I need to keep the education in perspective as well. I feel like just throwing in the towel and walking away from this.

However, that’s not what I’m going to do! Dream big! Dream gigantic. I’m going to aim for super hero!

I won’t give up on finding my passion. Apparently it’s not something “obvious” so I’ll have to look more closely inside.

My goal is at least to have another post out by Sunday!