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Pushing through

Last time I was talking about my Spark, the energy I felt.

Reading it back it sounds like I was about to change my life around.

So what has happened since that moment? Absolutely nothing.

The next morning I felt just the same as before the spark happened. There was nothing left of that energy, that inspiration and motivation. I tried to think about all the ideas I had, but the spark didn’t come back.

What happened?
It’s not that I quit, or that it wasn’t a good idea. Realism and rational thinking caught up to me.
Fear of failure, and the nagging thought that it’s not a workable idea. The thought I can’t pull it off.

I told myself that I could just start small and work from there. No dreams of overnight success.

Still the answer to the most important question isn’t there “HOW?”

How am I going to help organize lives?
How am I going to make a template. (of what should I make a template, for what purpose)?
How am I going to grow this, should I make a website already, a blog, a twitter, a Facebook?

How am I going to make this work?

My immediate thought is, “I’m not” and I’ve given up before starting.
My idea was too vague to motivate me for longer than a spark. The once so successful campfire has gone out.

My next step is the next exercise from the book I mentioned earlier: “I could do anything, if only I knew what it was”. This means I should seriously pursue this idea for at least an hour.
An hour of complete dedication, there are no other options.
That doesn’t help me, I don’t know what my first step would be.

The simplest thing to do is make a template for something that I know.

This is where my focus will be the coming time. I can’t say it’ll be done next week. Maybe not even next month. I will work on it, and I will persist and it will get done. Then and only then can I say if this is going to work or not.

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Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Psychology

Whoops, I’m a day late. Of course I should’ve written this right after doing the research. I was busy, I’ll get back to that later. Sunday was just a crappy day. My state of mind was bad, so the day was bad.

Putting that all aside, here’s my conclusions.

Education

So far what I could find is going back to full-time school on a university level, or doing an online course. I didn’t look into this too much though.

Career

This is kind of why I didn’t look into education much. I got stumped. I couldn’t find a career path that honestly interested me. There’s research psychology, but from what I could gather even that wouldn’t really be just doing research.

I’m quite discouraged with my findings. I checked several websites, they all pretty much said the same.

Psychology will probably just stay some hobby I sometimes spend time on.

I think I’m held back by fear a lot.
Fear of failure.
Specifically fear that my new job won’t make me happy.
And fear for my financial situation.

It’s not like I can just switch jobs. I need to keep the education in perspective as well. I feel like just throwing in the towel and walking away from this.

However, that’s not what I’m going to do! Dream big! Dream gigantic. I’m going to aim for super hero!

I won’t give up on finding my passion. Apparently it’s not something “obvious” so I’ll have to look more closely inside.

My goal is at least to have another post out by Sunday!

 
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Posted by on July 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Why isn’t all this working? Look over your shoulder

A short realization. How am I suppose to work on finding my passion if I can’t keep my life in order. When I feel I’m constantly failing at this game called life.

I’m not talking about the big things here. I’m talking about all the little steps.

Reading all these amazing blogs by all those amazing people, I started to notice a pattern. Their lives where quite perfect. If I could have just their lives, I’d be perfect at finding my passion.

Because none of them are seemingly bothered by common house tasks. I know what a time suck they are!

Between cleaning, laundry, cooking, and other misc house tasks, I have barely any time left to do anything constructive. Besides that I’d rather sit down and relax.

My mother’s philosophy for the situation is, “if you just put your arms under it for an hour or two you’re done.”

Okay, so I scrubbed my house on a Sunday morning. It took about an hour and a half. Then I only had to do vacuum cleaning. I slumped down on the couch in dismay, related my achievement to my mom and didn’t get up again.

There’s not much magic here. Logically you don’t start with vacuuming. However vacuuming is something I dread the most, something I absolutely don’t have energy for. It simply doesn’t get done.

So I changed my strategy. I focus on 1 room, or set of small rooms. I clean and vacuum them and that’s it. Sounds good right. Doing a little every day, has one problem, it costs a little time every day. So the living room and kitchen (1 room) comes down to an hour of work.

I’m still struggling with cleaning and vacuuming, have been ever since my mom threw in the towel and told me to do it myself. (mostly because she was frustrated with my compulsive tendency to need everything back exactly the same way.)

As far as cooking goes, I generally skip that all together. It requires more time and effort than I spend eating, alone. So the things I eat are fairly simple all together. I generally eat my veggies raw so to say.
(not to mention I’m a very picky eater.)

What’s left to look at is laundry. I do laundry pretty much every day. My mom does it over the weekend.
For me this is impossible. On a time level. I have a washing and drying machine in one. Which means I can wash, or dry. Mom has two machines and can wash and dry at the same time.
I have 4 laundries: black, white + towels, color, red. On a day I do one laundry. One laundry meaning washing, drying, ironing, folding. Except for the laundry I have to hang up, as it won’t be dry. My ironing is often a day behind.
Saving my ironing and doing it all at once is not doable for me. Ironing scares the crap out of me. When I started, 4 out of the 5 tries I burned my fingers. Not the most encouraging experience. So for me ironing requires a lot of concentrating and minimum distractions. There’s only so much concentration I have.

And with all these things, fail badly. So if my life is not in order, how am I suppose to focus on finding my passion (or anything else for that matter) if I’m constantly nagged with the feeling of chores left unfinished or behind schedule.

This is why I’m scheduling and rescheduling my chores, to find a way to get around to them and to have time left for other things.

Since initially writing this post I drastically changed my strategy. I now also have a kitten to look after, so life is even more of a hassle now haha.
I’ve put my chores list together in a weekly checklist, then every day I get reminded to check off things I did that day. Whether or not I actually did anything, I’m reminded off what’s left on my plate.

I’m trying to do things more organically I suppose. See if that works out better for me.

I think if my life is in order, I can focus on my passion and write something for this blog that really has to do with this journey. I keep coming back to household chores, don’t I? I kind of have something against those.

Just need to refocus and set my priorities straight.

How do you combine household chores with doing what you love?

 
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Posted by on June 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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