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Trusting my gut

 

I should take off the “new post every Sunday” and replace it with Monday I guess.

I’ve started setting up a website for my organizing idea and giving it form. There’s just not yet anything constructive coming out of me.

Yesterday I spend most of my time on household chores and reading “Blink” by Malcom Gladwell. I had started reading Blink a long time ago. Still I just picked it up where I left off. It’s about making snap judgement and how our unconscious is smarter than we think. How from 30 min of conversation between a married couple you can predict with about 95% accuracy if the marriage will last or not.

It’s pretty cool stuff. It did have me thinking about the way we make decisions. The way I make decisions. I can ponder and ponder over something, while being unable to decide. Maybe, just maybe, I should let my unconscious speak more, trust my gut.

I should let my feelings go and follow them. There’s just an inner control freak holding me back.

This control freak dictates the smile on my face, the words I use, or don’t use, the actions I take. It makes sure that the impression other people have of me is this cheerful girl who’s ready to take on the world.

“You are always cheerful, aren’t you?” is a question I get often.

This comes with a price. That control freak has gained so much power that my emotions don’t get a fighting chance. It numbs them down. In protest my emotions grow stronger.

It’s at a point where I sometimes get really emotional over nothing, or I don’t get emotional when I’m suppose to. The metaphor with a bucket of water overflowing works well. I deal with my inner stress by crying, which is usually started by something silly and insignificant.

Over time I’ve received countless advice on how to deal with my emotions. So far this has been ineffective advice, especially in the long run.

Blink had me thinking. What if, instead of dealing with my emotions, I learn to trust my gut and make snap judgements. Maybe then my control freak will learn that it’s okay to let me feel my emotions. That I’m strong enough to handle them. That it’s better to keep them small, instead of letting that bucket overflow.

Do you numb down your emotions? Keep up a fake smile? Or otherwise trick yourself emotionally/internally? Or do you listen to your gut? And deal with your emotions right away?

 

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Posted by on July 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Pushing through

Last time I was talking about my Spark, the energy I felt.

Reading it back it sounds like I was about to change my life around.

So what has happened since that moment? Absolutely nothing.

The next morning I felt just the same as before the spark happened. There was nothing left of that energy, that inspiration and motivation. I tried to think about all the ideas I had, but the spark didn’t come back.

What happened?
It’s not that I quit, or that it wasn’t a good idea. Realism and rational thinking caught up to me.
Fear of failure, and the nagging thought that it’s not a workable idea. The thought I can’t pull it off.

I told myself that I could just start small and work from there. No dreams of overnight success.

Still the answer to the most important question isn’t there “HOW?”

How am I going to help organize lives?
How am I going to make a template. (of what should I make a template, for what purpose)?
How am I going to grow this, should I make a website already, a blog, a twitter, a Facebook?

How am I going to make this work?

My immediate thought is, “I’m not” and I’ve given up before starting.
My idea was too vague to motivate me for longer than a spark. The once so successful campfire has gone out.

My next step is the next exercise from the book I mentioned earlier: “I could do anything, if only I knew what it was”. This means I should seriously pursue this idea for at least an hour.
An hour of complete dedication, there are no other options.
That doesn’t help me, I don’t know what my first step would be.

The simplest thing to do is make a template for something that I know.

This is where my focus will be the coming time. I can’t say it’ll be done next week. Maybe not even next month. I will work on it, and I will persist and it will get done. Then and only then can I say if this is going to work or not.

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Life changes, placing one foot in front of the other.

I went running today!

This means two things.

1. I’m starting to work out again.

2. I’m getting my life back in order.

Now my running is far from perfect, but it’s a start. I need to start small and work my way up.

What does this have to do with my passion?

Trying something new and sticking with it!

Today I got over my embarrassment about going for a run all by myself. I felt embarrassed, but did it anyway.

I should get over my fear of failure and start working toward finding my passion.

Small steps, that’s how big changes are achieved.

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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